Monday, January 19, 2009

The Original DON


April 11th one sunny afternoon me and noufal were in the cafeteria for lunch.
I get a call from Jojy. As i pick up and before i say hello to him...
he says "Binu marichu poyi"("Binu passed away").
Some kinda slap or i dont know what it felt like it felt pretty bad. I erred and he repeated "Nammude Binu John..avan marichu"("Our Binu, he passed away"). "Enganeyada?? Accident aayirunno??"("was it an accident??, how can that happen?")
Jojy said nothing more..after a brief pause he continued.....
"Alleda..accident alla!! Entho nerve problem aanenna arinja..ithuvare details onnum ariyilla"("Not an accident, it is a kind of nerve problem")
clearly he didn't want to speak more about it. He cut the call and for no reason i kept saying "hello" back to him. Didn't feel like eating anymore, went back to my cubicle. Did not feel like working either, came out and told JD. he too was shell shocked..both stood there at the corridoors like a portrait. Got permission from yogesh and went home early..on the whole drive way back i was not at all concentrating on the drive. Many pictures went in front of my eyes felt like crying loud and hug somebody tightly.

First thing after reaching my room called my home..no one was there to pick up the call. Called amma's school and told her the news..all of a sudden amma could not recollect who binu was??
i said "guy who spoke hindi to you..from bhopal"
Amma recollected binu "ohh..binu john with glasses"
again the same pause and she asked me "where are you now?".
"in my room i replied...i dunno what to do" again a brief pause.
Amma was in her headmasters room so she had to put a brave and bold face..she told some consoling words and gods will in ones life etc. Cried the whole evening sitting in my room..frustrated, angry,emotional it was a bag full of bad moments. Then there was an array of phone calls..to gireesh,to vava, to unda,raghu,jojy....until the prepaid charge got used up. Virtually collapsed into the bed and laid down there eyes gazed on the roof. Sreekumar came to the room and he too was dumbstruck on the news. Didnt feel like talking to him either. Disintenrested a feeling of robbed or something lost. That single day went like an year..with waves of thoughts on my minds.

I regret still not getting down at bhopal on my travel from delhi to palakkad. He would have invited me umpteen times to come there. Even the day before i booked the tickets he called me for changing the plans. Laziness or a sense of taking-granted-on-him or whatever..i felt 'will do it later'. Until now that time never came..to be frank. Still when someone speaks about bhopal or france(he is an avid france supporter) his voice still rings in my ears. Our room was called "BASE" (binu,ashok,sabarish and ejaz) was the hot bed for all the football/political discussions. Sometimes i think our friendship with each one of us solidified or got a bit more strengthened after Binu left us(physically though). I dunno how to put it in writing but the feeling i pass through is 'never lose an opportunity to speak or to meet your friend'. Its not like a bad omen but its in the pleasant way of sharing love with each other. A statement of 'you never know', though puts me in defensive but atleast keeps the contacts live.

Binu was not exactly a charismatic guy, he was more like a soulful person (a very rare trait these days). Spoke to people with a lot of conviction and self belief. Everyone amongst us respected him like a big brother though he never craved for that ounce of respect. A very very passionate guy...sometimes leading him to some irrepairable mistakes, but would easily pump that explosion of passion in to you. A very creative person at heart and his poems had a slant for the lover inside him. Many did not know the person he was, for that fact i know him only in meagre amounts.
But as time passes by and everyone flourishing in their respective lives i feel i ought to pay some dividence to the person who made that tiny difference in my life. .The long walk one night with him in a way changed my outlook on some circumspect thought of mine. It wasn't a radical change but his words had a multitude of effect on them. Its easy, for an adamant person like me to re-think huh?? he must be a damn good speaker and i must have some place for him in my heart.

Since the day i started my blog i always wanted to write something on Binu here..infact some of these lines are stolen from my diary and the few pointers i made on those days. This may or may not pay justice to the person he is, you may or may not wanna read it again. But this is one of those things that fills your heart, so please bear with me friends. i personally feel no blogs would pay justice for the relationship we shared...always loviing him.
-Shabbu

5 comments:

sinu said...

i never really have known Binu but understood the intensity of his friendship when I talked to Minu the day he passed away..and when Jojy had brought me an article in Malayala Manorama paper about him...May god bless his soul and give his parents and brother a happy life!

Anonymous said...

A pure touching and emotional portrayal of Binu. Thanks Shabbu.

Mullai said...

Let binu’s soul rest in peace

Shajean said...

good one..
Something which makes me a feeling to call all my friends..
Sure this one is also bringing a feeling of stronger bond between our friends...
Binu's demise proved how unpredictable the life can be..

Sabarish Chandrasekharan said...

very true moche...
as they say you always have time to call or mail a friend only if you want to..

Love to hear what you think!
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