Friday, November 13, 2009

Why them?

Early morning cuddling in my bed at home i was woke up by amma. I hate her for this aspect from my childhood days, half heartedly i looked at her and she looked a bit confused by all sorts.
She said "Vijeshinte achan vannittundu" (Vijesh's dad is here).
I got up from bed before i could walk up to him....he ran and came to me. A big Father's hug kept me weeping for the next few minutes or so. He kept repeating the words "Eee gathi aarkum varutharuthe ente oru praarthanaye enikku ullu" (My only prayer to god is that no body should go through the pain i am going through right now). It was the most unexpected starts to a morning where me, amma and uncle sitting on different couch's weeping at various decibel's. All for a guy who only provided fun and laughter, my dear friend Vijesh. Uncle then stood up
and walked off without saying the gate he said "Samayam kittumbol vijeshinte ammaye poi kaanu" (Whenever you find time go and meet vijesh's mom). As he walked away slowly i couldn't help noticing the big change he has been through. The long beard, his faded dhoti and dark spots all over his eyes. Rewind back 7 years one of our boorish college days he shouted at me, vijesh and sankar for being so irresponsible in our lives. Though on those days i hated that figure I wish i could get that uncle back, a strong face which wore a slight grimace, uncompromising and direct. My heart crumbles to see this person wither away in front of me little by little. As i see him off and remember that face on back of my mind he disappears into the lane.

That evening i went to meet Vijesh's Amma. A bit worried and tensed to face her Shyama voluntered to accompany me. As we rang the bell aunty came and opened the door. She was tired and all blacked out. Dark patches on her eye lashes and tears in her eyes. She looked weak with her hair all messy and in total she looked like a house being rampaged by a tornado.
She must have been crying from the day vijesh left us and infact made me wonder how sometimes we expect god to answer a silly question "Why her?". We made her sit on a chair and tried deviating the topic. But mother's you know them, how strong they act they cant digest losing their loved ones.His memories, his jokes, those mohanlal madness, his sarcastic tone to each and everything in life and time went discussing about him. And there was a slight relief as she laughed a bit here and there stopped crying.But inside me i could feel myself in a very odd position expecting all this to be a bad dream. I wanted to forget this face of aunty, i always want to see the cherubic, glowing face of hers with a default sandalwood paste on her forehead. But some strings are pulled from up above and it will be always like that.

As i reached my home i see Vijesh's brother Vineeth waiting for me. He didnt want to meet me in front of his mom and dad. The small playful boy i saw a few years back has vanished somewhere. He was acting strong though he badly needed a hug. I let him speak his mind out. He would blabber and go out of topic but he was strong willed on not to wilt. He knew his mom and dad looked upto him and he is their only hope and purpose in life. And i could just act like his big brother may be trying to provide that one drop of warmth and affection to him. But never can i step into vijesh's shoes. Or Can I? only time will tell.

Its a huge void and death tears our lives into shatters. People who are closely associated to you death becomes cruel to them. What fun does god get in crumbling a happy face? May be its all part of a big process, hundreds die daily for various reasons but when some one so near passes away we start thinking what to and what not to? May be its all a lesson for us to do something better outta our lives. Lot of unanswered questions looming in my mind and a barn full of memories on vijesh my friend, my brother. And hoping god would tell me "Of all the people Why Him?"

1 comment:

Sreejit said...

Really why Vijesh of all the people? Some questions just dont have answers and some moments dont justify the adage 'Whatever happens happens for the good'.

Poor family of his.

Love to hear what you think!
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